I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
