If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
