Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
