You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
