I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
