Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
