I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
