I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
