At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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