is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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