my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
