porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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