He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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