she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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