your thong is hanging out like whoa
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg šš
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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