your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
