Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
