I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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