he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
