My hand turned me down
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
