If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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