what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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