thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
