Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
