I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
