He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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