We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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