last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So vagazzling was a success
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
