i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
