i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
