i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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