if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
