just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
