I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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