I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize