i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
