She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna fight the coyote
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
