when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
