i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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