Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your penis caused this!
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