How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol