I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.