How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous