U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover