oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?