Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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