everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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