Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just high enough for therapy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
