I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
