we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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