If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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