Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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