Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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