It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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