he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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