Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
