My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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