I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
