Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
