today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
