I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
