I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize