I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
