Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
