then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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