I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
