i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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