I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
