we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
