where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
