***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i think im in europe. pls send help
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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