youre lurking in front of me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were trust falling into bushes
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
